It is our understanding when Jeff was previously institutionalized in Brockville, he was abused, including having been put in 'isolation'. If you understand the concepts and intent of 'isolation', you will understand that it boils down to 'no contact' with others, verbal or otherwise. It's deprivation. One likely cannot help feeling the 'punishment factor' adding to it 'rejection issues' and the fact that you are helpless and cannot do anything about it at the time. Now add Down Syndrome into the mix and the consideration that 'isolation' goes against everything that is you: the nature and very essence of who you are. Further, toss in the fact you can't understand what's happening, especially in real time. Then, you can't make yourself understood by the very people who are supposedly trained to understand you. The same people who in truth are paid to understand you. I'm not proposing that Jeff had the 'wherewithal or capacity' to process everything happening. In fact, he didn't. But in his life, that wasn't his 'job'. Notwithstanding, in getting to know him, he would definitely have transferred all the abuse into 'feelings' the likes of which could and would, inherently ignite reactions fueled by  those very same combustionable feelings. All this of course in 'real time'

Whatever may have been involved specifically with Jeff, it is important to understand that Jeff was a 'social butterfly'. With exception (like being tired or sick), he loved being around people and people being with or around him. In his last couple of years he had Public Service Workers (PSW's) helping take care of him. He has his favourites to be sure, however generally he welcomed them in and was like a friendly, happy king in his court. He loved his weekly bowling, weekly 'pub' night with pizza and root beer - often joked about having 'beer' and laughed. Loved birthday parties and any outings by and large. Now couple the isolation abuse, his down syndrome and his social butterfly demeanor. Jeff's escape/survival mechanism in isolation was to talk to his 'sock'. His sock became his 'friend'. Even with us he always kept his friend (he had his favourite socks) near. Jeff jumped into 'family' as if in freefall.  Family wasn't a wading pool for Jeff. It was more like a diving board. He was all in. He called Bev and Myself 'mom and dad' from the 'get-go. Our three sons were his brothers and the grandkids he knew by name. He felt safe. The first time Jeffrey came for supper and a visit, we showed him the bedroom. "For me?" he asked excitedly . Bev and I pretty much in stereo replied, "Yes Jeff, for you" I don't know who was more excited, Jeff or us. God says,

"Proverbs 16:1 "The plans of the heart belong to man, but the answer of the tongue is from the Lord".

He would often name all of us individually as family, specifically including his own name. It spoke of him accepting us as his family and of us accepting him as family. No questions asked. No extra 'forms to fill out. No conditions. Just acceptance as family.

A small note worth mentioning. We had a family picture which actually included an 'ex-spouse'. I photoshopped the 'ex' out and 'shopped' Jeff in. We (Bev and I) put the 8 x 10 framed picture on Jeff's bedroom dresser. We were sitting in the living room when Jeff returned from an outing. He went into his bedroom to take his shoes off. The next thing we heard as Jeff shouting joyfully, "family! family! family!" He had immediately discovered the picture. To him it was worth way more than the proverbial '2000' words. Jeff would never have understood the 'proverb'. His understanding  and value he saw before his eyes transferred into 'feelings'. And for us, our feelings from his feelings were the expression of true value. He was priceless. It was one of those once in a lifetime moments all the money in the world could not buy. To continue making a short story long, as trust would have it, Jeff soon started leaving his 'friend' on his bed when he himself left the room.  Jeff would tell his friend why he was leaving the room and re-assured his friend, he would be back soon. Well, isn't that what friends do? The morning Jeff unexpectedly passed, hours before, I had spent an hour or more sitting by his bed just visiting and talking face to face. Three times he gently put down his sock and quietly reached over to hold my hand. My wife Bev had grown accustomed to sitting bedside with Jeff in the evenings talking about God and praying with him. She also did it to help Jeff find the calm and peace that leads to sleep. You know; the kind of peace that surpasses understanding (Philippians 4:5-7).

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A prerequisite is something that is required as a prior condition or must happen before something else can be done or achieved. It comes from combining the prefix pre ('before') with requisite ('required')

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Then He who sat on the throne said, "Behold, I make all things new."  And he showed me a pure river of water of life, clear as crystal, proceeding from the throne of God and of the Lamb.

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Website Editor's Note: 'Meeting and Making a Friend in Isolation' 101 - Prerequisite: Isolation

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